“Pourquoi ce silence autour de l’inceste?”

Marines were raped by her grandfather. Everyone knows, but no one says anything… Become a journalist, she begins the most difficult investigation into her life: questioning her family’s understanding of the silence mechanisms around incest.

“It’s a normal day. The atmosphere is light. My parents helped me put the storage room in my new apartment. From a window we saw a cemetery. We chatted. My father said, ‘I, I’m so happy to be buried with my father!’ I freeze.

“Quiet! You know nothing!”

My dad knew for a long time…I must have been 8 or 9 years old. I drove with my parents and cousin. In the message on the broadcast, we talk about a person arrested for raping his child. My cousin said, “It’s like Bon-Papa”. I said to him: ‘Quiet! Don’t say anything! “From the outside, everyone swears that it’s the perfect grandfather… He comes to the holiday home often and he offers us a lot of gifts and he loves playing with us. He teaches me to play failure-I hate failure. It’s also the one he teaches me to peel apples-but I always find it hard to peel apples. Because this man raped me. I don’t know when it starts. My memory is blurry. But I remember feeling very much. He whispered “Panpan Cucul”. These two words always ice my blood.

Can we forget easily?

My parents immediately believed me when I talked about it. They even took me to see the contraction. He reassured them: “Don’t worry, she’s very young, she’ll forget everything.” It seemed like this was a scratch that would disappear soon…My parents said to themselves, “Come on, it’s okay.” They closed the file.

My mother still calls my aunt-my dad has 6 siblings-warn them. They were not surprised. Everyone knows it. Or doubt. My parents then decided not to invite my father’s father to the house anymore. On the other hand, we continue to see it elsewhere. Christmas, Easter…My mother lost very young parents and didn’t want to explode the family. Every family gathering is the same. I don’t want to see it, but I’m forced. ‘Go to the Marines and say hello to your grandfather. Come on, this is polite! hurry up! ‘

“Good” memories

Time passed, and my discomfort would not disappear. When I was 15, I tore off all the photos from the album and we saw my dad’s father. My mom punished me: “You have no right! These are family memories!” Shortly after his death, I refused to go to his funeral. I refuse to pay tribute to this person. My parents don’t insist. Among my many uncles, aunts, cousins ​​and cousins, no one wants to know why I am absent.

No one questioned the personality of his grandfather. on the contrary. During family meetings, everyone remembers good memories. “Do you remember Dad did it? Do you still remember the history of swing? ‘ Everyone loves their anecdotes. It seems nothing happened. Sometimes I tell myself that I would rather be raped by a stranger in the parking lot. After that, I don’t have to suffer all of this… Now my father wants to be buried with him! This is the icing on the cake.

Investigate the past

This is when I decided to investigate. I am a journalist. This is my job. I want to understand how this mechanism of silence works around incest. Why no one says anything when everyone knows it? I emailed all my uncles and aunts asking to meet them. They all accept it. He reacted violently except for my father. He found it was a stupid idea, I did too much, and stirring the past was meaningless. But I won’t let go of this project.

I walked around. I started with Paul, the youngest. He didn’t really worry because he had boys, no girls. His wife knew that she told him several times, but he had no memory of it. The elder Lucien has three daughters. But as they never told him anything, he never worried. Did he ask them clearly? No. But no matter what, he will not file a complaint against his father…

Just doubt

My Aunt Anne is my closest person. I even lived with her for a while. But she never told me anything. She explained to me that when she received my email, she understood what I wanted to discuss… “I was the first to drink.” “One day we were in the car and I was surprised that she was stroking my daughter. – What did you do? – I never sat in each other’s place again. – that’s all? ‘ If Anne spoke, I probably wouldn’t be a victim. Same as Corinne. She lives in front of her father. She explained to me, “I got a little attention after the call from your mom.” “But they were just suspicious. Then, I was afraid to break everything. Your cousin loves her grandfather so much…’I like my grandfather too. This is exactly the drama of incest: we are violated by those we love.

Shame and weight of inner gui

By talking to each other, I knew my father’s father had become a victim of the previous generation. and his niece. In the 1960s and 70s – 20 years before birth. Suddenly, if I calculated well, we were at least 8 victims in the family. Why no one speaks to stop it? I want to scream. But at the same time, I don’t object to them. I know everyone did it as much as possible, even with a lot of timidity.

Still my father. Just as all his siblings agreed to speak to me, he could no longer refuse. I know this will be the hardest interview of my life. I’ve never been so stressed before. He first explained to me that I was still young and that if he went to court he was afraid to throw himself into the lion’s pit. Then I feel ashamed and introverted. Both have an improper father who is unable to protect his daughter.

There he said to me, “Because I know what he did to you, I forbidden to agree with you. I don’t want it to be misunderstood. I don’t want me to blame me for anything. Yes. I rarely have memories of a gentle father, but he never held me in his arms since then. Wow. How are you punished like this? This discussion will at least make it possible to blow up this barrier. My father held me in his arms, kissed me, and told me that he loved me. But I can’t dare take a break from the family vault problem yet…”

Text by Christine Masuy

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