Mon enfant est souvent triste… Doit-il consulter?

Feeling upset, crying, irritable: Your child’s behavior worries you, and you wonder if seeing a psychologist might help him or her feel better? The following are signs that you need counseling.

As parents, we want only one thing for our children: to allow them to feel fulfilled and free to be who they want to be. If we try our best to make sure he’s comfortable in his mini sneakers, it’s impossible to protect him from everything. Arguments at school, friendly letdowns, learning difficulties, bereavement… when difficulties arise in children’s lives, their mental health suffers just like ours. The question then arises: “Should he be followed by a psychologist, or can he get back on track with my support?”

Signs to be wary of

It would be difficult to come up with an exhaustive list of symptoms of poor mental health in children. Certain behaviors should alert you, especially when grief persists:

• Self-isolation, even isolation
• Decreased self-confidence
• sudden change in attitude
• Excessive anger, outbursts of opposition, or crying
• sudden irritability
• phobia
• Eating disorders (loss of appetite, excessive cravings, impulsivity, etc.)
• difficulty expressing emotions
• Language or behavioral difficulties
• Trouble sleeping or falling asleep
• The quest for meaning can come with dark thoughts
• General decline in motivation

These signs may be accompanied by physical symptoms: stomach pain, intestinal problems (diarrhea or constipation), the appearance of mouth sores, and general skin problems (eczema, cold sores, hair loss, etc.).

What if he is under 3 years old?

The birth of a younger brother or sister, family tensions, a move, starting kindergarten…young children can also experience moments that damage their mental health. These are signs that your child is in pain and needs monitoring:

• refuse to eat
• Inconsolable crying episodes may or may not be related to separation anxiety
• Recurrent nightmares and/or difficulty falling asleep
• Learning regression (language, cleaning, etc.)

I asked him his opinion?

All mental health experts say this: the sooner we pinpoint what is upsetting a person, and the more we verbalize it, the easier it is to heal. Therefore, don’t wait until symptoms are clear before taking your child to see a psychologist.

Have you noticed a change in behavior that worries you? Start a conversation.

• During a quiet moment, share your observation (“I saw recently…”).
• Then ask him how he feels (angry, sad, tired, abandoned?).
• Don’t hesitate to ask specific questions about school, relationships with friends, extracurricular activities, etc. to gain a deeper understanding.
• Depending on the answer, you can take the opportunity to explain to your child that you want him to get help. Ask him what he thinks about the matter.

During the first appointment (often called the settlement appointment), the psychologist will simply listen and understand the reasons for seeking treatment. During this time, you as the parent will be invited to participate, depending on the age of the child and whether they have authorized it.

Children in therapy: What is my role?

• Put your child at ease: Before the first meeting, have an open discussion with him, during which you tell him that he will be in good hands with a friendly, nonjudgmental person while downplaying the drama of the meeting. For example, tell him that it’s normal and healthy to ask for help from time to time (if you’ve consulted a psychologist, say so) and that this will be his own talking space in which he can talk. Also assure him that anything he says to the therapist will be kept confidential.
• Be there but don’t overdo it: Being a supportive and attentive parent is beneficial to the smooth progress of psychological counseling, but if there is no opportunity, it is best not to intervene in treatment. Will your child confide in you after meeting with a specialist? Be the attentive, caring listener you wish you knew (or had the opportunity to know).

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